Disfigured Saving My Brother, Only to Be Wished Dead

When I was ten, Matteus secretly played with fire in the storage room and caused a massive blaze.

Trying to save him, a burning beam fell on me, leaving 80% of my body with severe burns.

I went from being a sweet, adored little girl into a monster.

For ten years, Matteus was the kindest person to me.

He often held me as I trembled from the agonizing skin grafts, his eyes red as he whispered:

Lena, Ill take care of you forever. Anyone who dares to humiliate you, Ill kill them.

Mom and Dad also spent every last penny for me. In this house, I seemed like the most cherished treasure.

Until that day, when Matteus brought home a beautiful fiance.

I heard it with my own ears, Matteus, the one who swore to protect me forever, his voice ice-cold:

Dont worry, once were married, Ill send that monster to a care facility out in the countryside.

Just looking at her face makes me so disgusted I lose my appetite.

I knew then, it was time for me to leave.

The lights were off in the room, and the curtains were tightly drawn.

I was used to the dark.

Because only in the dark,

the person in the mirror, like a melted wax figure, wouldn't look so grotesque.

Lena, drink your medicine.

Mom came in with a bowl, her eyes somewhat evasive.

The medicine was bitter, but I didnt even flinch, tilting my head back and swallowing it down.

After multiple skin grafts from the burns,

my facial nerves were damaged, so I could barely make any expressions anymore.

Mom, is Matteus coming home today?

My voice was hoarse; my vocal cords were also injured in that fire.

Moms hand, as she took the bowl, paused, then she forced a smile:

Yes, of course, hes coming home. Its your birthday, after all.

I nodded, though it was an almost imperceptible movement.

That fire ten years ago.

Matteus was completely unharmed.

But I was turned into half-human, half-ghost.

Since then, my birthday had become our familys grim anniversary.

Every celebration felt like a constant reminder to everyone.

Of what I had sacrificed for this family, and what I had become.

The sound of keys turning in the lock came from outside the door.

Even through the door, I could hear the lightness in Matteuss footsteps.

This was rare.

Ever since my accident, Matteus had always been heavy in this house, carrying a guilt-ridden silence.

Mom! Im home!

Matteuss voice was high-pitched, filled with barely concealed joy.

Immediately after, a soft female voice chimed in:

Hello, Aunt Eleanor, Im Chloe.

I sat in the darkness, my fingers instinctively clenching the bedsheet.

Due to skin contractures, my hand was twisted like a bird's claw.

We had a guest.

And it was a girl Matteus had brought home.

I heard Moms flustered voice:

Oh, oh, hello Well, you didnt tell us you were bringing anyone

Just wanted to give you a surprise, Matteus said with a laugh.

Chloe is a colleague from the hospital, and shes my girlfriend.

The living room filled with cheerful chatter.

The sound of fruit being sliced, the TV, and that girls laughter, clear as a bell.

Her laugh was so lovely.

Unlike mine, which only pulled at the scars on my face, making me look worse than if I cried.

I hunched in the corner of my room, trying to make myself as invisible as possible.

This wasnt the time for me to appear.

As long as I didnt show myself,

Matteus would still be that excellent doctor.

A perfect man, without a blemish.

Not a "pity case" with a monster for a sister.

But biological needs are uncontrollable.

Id been holding it in my room for three hours.

Listening to the noise outside die down slightly, I thought theyd gone to the kitchen.

I put on my heavy baseball cap, pulled up my specialized face mask, and donned long sleeves and pants.

Only after making sure not an inch of my skin was exposed did I carefully push open my door.

In the living room, Chloe was sitting on the sofa, peeling an apple.

Hearing the door open, she turned her head.

Our eyes met.

She froze.

Even though I was completely covered,

my twisted posture, and the dark red scars peeking out from the edge of my mask,

still exuded an unsettling aura.

Ah!

A scream tore through the cozy atmosphere of the house.

The fruit knife clattered to the floor.

Chloe recoiled in terror, pointing at me:

W-what is that thing?!

Chloe! Dont be scared!

Matteus rushed out from the kitchen, embracing his trembling girlfriend.

Mom also hurried over, positioning herself in front of me,

trying to shield my damaged body.

This is this is Matteuss sister, Lena.

Moms voice was low, tinged with a humble plea.

Chloe, still shaken, hid in Matteuss arms.

Her eyes shifted from fear to disgust, then to disbelief.

Sister? Matteus, you never said your sister was was like this

She didnt say the word, but everyone understood.

A monster.

An outcast.

Matteuss grip tightened around her, his face darkening.

He didn't look at me, but instead lowered his head, gently reassuring his girlfriend:

Im sorry, I didnt prepare you. She she became like this after that fire.

I stood still, unable to move forward or back.

The baseball cap pressed painfully against my head.

I needed to use the bathroom, my bladder ached painfully, but I didn't dare to move a step.

Im sorry.

I squeezed these three words from my throat, my voice rough like sandpaper grating against wood.

Chloe flinched.

Matteus finally looked up at me.

His eyes held none of the tenderness of yesteryear.

Only a fleeting flicker of embarrassment.

Lena, go back to your room, Matteuss voice was cold, a command.

Dont come out and scare our guest.

My body stiffened.

This was the first time Matteus had ever spoken to me like that.

Before, even if some insensitive kids called me a monster outside,

Matteus would rush over and send them packing.

Then he would gently tell me:

Lena is the prettiest, theyre just blind.

But now, he was telling me not to scare people.

Matteus! Is that how you talk to your sister! Mom, unable to bear it, scolded him.

Matteus ran a frustrated hand through his hair:

Its true! Look how scared Chloe is!

I told you I was bringing my girlfriend home today, why did she have to come out wandering around now?

My heart felt like it was being squeezed by something merciless.

I didnt explain that it was because I needed to use the bathroom.

I just lowered my head, dragging my inflexible right leg, and slowly shuffled back to that dark room.

The moment I closed the door, I heard Chloes tearful voice:

Matteus, I cant Im really scared that face is terrifying

If your family is like this, Ill have to rethink our marriage.

No, Chloe, let me explain Matteuss voice was filled with panic and pleading.

I leaned against the door, slowly sliding to the floor.

The heavy clothing made me sweat all over, and the healing wounds began to itch again.

The itch was agonizing, like countless ants crawling under my skin.

I couldnt scratch; one scratch and it would break, then get infected.

I could only pinch my thigh hard, until it was bruised, using the pain to suppress the itch.

So, I was already a stumbling block on Matteuss path to happiness.

The boy who once said, "I'll take care of you forever," had finally bowed his head to reality.

I didnt go out for dinner.

Mom brought a bowl of food into my room, piled high with my favorite dishes.

Lena, dont blame him. Hes just too concerned about Chloe.

Chloes family is well-off, and shes beautiful. Matteuss grown up, its not easy for him to start a family.

Mom rambled on, her eyes red.

I scooped a spoonful of rice and vegetables into my mouth, trying to swallow it.

I know, Mom.

I dont blame Matteus.

What right did I have to blame him?

It was my own fault for being so frighteningly ugly.

It was me who had burdened this family for ten whole years.

Over the next few days,

the atmosphere at home was suffocatingly heavy.

Matteus left early and returned late every day.

He smelled of smoke when he came back.

His arguments with Mom and Dad in the living room,

even when deliberately muffled, still reached my ears.

Chloe said shell marry me, but we cant buy a house in this neighborhood.

She said every time she thinks about someone like *that* being in the house, she has nightmares.

That was Matteuss voice, thick with exhaustion.

Then what do you want to do? Lena wouldnt have been like this if she hadnt saved you

Dad slammed the table, his voice trembling.

I know! I know she saved my life! Matteus suddenly exploded, his voice rising to a shout:

Thats why Ive spent the last ten years of my youth! Every penny I earned went to her treatment! Isnt that enough?

Dad, Mom, I want to live a normal life too!

Im almost thirty, how many relationships have I messed up because of my disabled sister, do you even know?

I finally found someone who didnt care about my modest income, and now, because of Lena its going to fail again!

Silence descended upon the living room.

In my room, I bit down hard on the back of my hand.

My numb skin bled, and the metallic taste filled my mouth.

So, these were Matteuss true feelings.

All those "I'm not tired," "I'm willing."

Ultimately, in the face of daily despair, they had transformed into "I'm almost thirty," "I want to live a normal life too."

Then what are you going to do? Mom asked, crying.

Send her to a care facility, Matteuss voice turned cold, resolute.

I found a cheaper one in the suburbs. Well send her there, and Ill visit her every month.

As long as shes not in the house, Chloe will accept it.

You bastard!

*Slap!* It sounded like Dad had hit Matteus.

Send your sister to a place like that? Thats basically sending her to die! Youre trying to force her to her death!

Then are *you* trying to force *me* to my death?! Matteus slammed the door and left.

That night, I had a dream.

I dreamed it was ten years ago, and the fire hadn't started yet.

Matteus held a lighter, smiling at me:

Lena, look at the fireworks.

If only then, I hadnt rushed in and pushed him out.

If only then, it had been him trapped under the burning beam, not me.

Would everything be different now?

Or, if that fire had just killed me outright.

Then Matteus would have mourned me forever, instead of wishing I would disappear like this.

The next day, Matteus brought Chloe home.

This time, they were delivering an ultimatum.

I heard them in the living room discussing the wedding date, and the financial aspects of their marriage.

Finally, the conversation turned to me again.

When they weren't paying attention, I secretly opened the door a crack.

I wanted to see Matteus one last time.

I wanted to see what the Matteus who once carried me to every hospital in the city looked like now.

Through the crack, I saw Chloe nestled in Matteuss arms, playfully whining:

So, when is your sister moving out? My parents are coming to see the house next month.

Matteus was peeling an orange, offering a segment to her lips.

His face held an appeasing and relaxed expression I had never seen before:

Dont worry, Ive arranged everything.

Shell be gone next week.

I went to the care facility; its a bit out of the way, but no one will see her once shes inside, so she wont scare anyone.

Chloe pouted:

Honestly, that day really disgusted me. How can someone look like that, like a burnt monster?

Matteuss hand paused.

I thought he would object.

Thought he would say, Shut up, like he did when we were kids.

But he didnt.

He just put the orange into Chloes mouth and said flatly:

It is pretty disgusting.

If I had known it would turn out like this, it would have been better if she had just died in that fire.

Living like that is just suffering, and dragging the whole family down with her.

In that instant,

the last bit of warmth in my bodys blood turned completely cold.

So, I wasnt just a burden.

In Matteuss heart,

I had become so disgusting that he wished I had died.

I gently closed the door.

Without making a sound.

I turned around, looking at myself in the mirror, completely bundled up.

It was indeed disgusting.

Even I couldnt bear to look for long.

Since Matteus wanted to live a normal life so badly,

since my existence was the greatest misfortune for this family,

then it was time to end everything.