My First Love Became the Reason I Chose Death

I secretly loved Austin Coleman for six years, and on the day I got accepted into a top university, he told me he liked me, too.

On the first day after school started, he invited me to a hotel close to the campus.

I went there happily, but I was given drugs and passed out.

He locked me inside a room with three strange men for the whole night.

The next morning, short videos filmed from many angles spread everywhere on the school network.

Everyone insulted me, calling me cheap, dirty, and shameless.

After I was expelled from school, my father became so angry that he had a heart attack.

My mother wanted to call the police, but she was pushed by a group of online attackers until she jumped off a building and committed suicide.

Four years later, I met Austin on the street.

He sat in a sports car, holding a young woman, and laughed at me.

Belle Crawford, werent you once the lucky girl everyone admired? Why do you look like a beggar now?!

He laughed again and threw out a stack of cash. As long as you kneel and bow three times, all this money is yours!

Without thinking, I knelt down and bowed my head.

Austin, who had been laughing proudly, suddenly changed his expression.

Belle, youre putting on a show!

When I bowed down for the second time, Austin got out of the car in anger and caught hold of me.

His face was darkened, his eyes full of anger.

Are you doing this on purpose to look weak in front of me? Blaming me for getting revenge on you before?

Who doesnt know your family lives well? Your mom works as a teacher, and your dad works as a doctor. Your life has always been much better than most peoples.

You dress like this now, so who are you trying to trick?

And where is your pride? Were you not once called a smart girl who never lowered her head to anyone? Why do you not even care about your dignity anymore?

Austin didnt understand why he felt so angry. He shook my shoulders wildly, while I stayed still like a wooden doll.

I bent down and picked up the cash from the ground, one bill at a time.

You were the one who said it, three bows, and the money belongs to me. Thank you.

Austin froze, his brows pulled together as he studied my face closely.

Talk! Say something!

Austins voice was very loud, pulling the eyes of people walking nearby toward us.

I stared at him blankly and showed a sad, bitter smile.

What do you want me to say?

Four years had passed without seeing him. Those classmates had simply gone off to college, but my family had gone through huge changes.

From being the perfect child everyone talked about, a smart girl chosen for a top university, I had fallen into a slut everyone looked down on.

Now, four years later, when I think about what happened that night, it still feels unreal.

I had only gone out late with my boyfriend and booked a hotel room. I did not even know how I fell asleep.

When I woke up, my life fell apart.

Those disgusting videos spread everywhere online.

Even my friends, scared of getting dragged into it, blocked me and deleted me that same day, and told reporters they had never known me at all.

I went crazy to find Austin, but he had been sitting in my living room, speaking the truth coldly to my mother.

If you hadnt been so harsh back then, leaving Katniss Evergreen no way out at all, how could she have gone home and committed suicide?

If that day you had simply looked the other way, Katniss would have passed the test, and she could have believed she had the strength to fight her sickness!

But you canceled her result and cut off her last bit of hope to stay alive!

Now your daughter has turned into someone everyone curses and looks down on. Now you know what hopelessness feels like, dont you?

Hearing Austin say those words himself had felt like lightning striking my head.

So his choice to chase after me had never been because he cared about me. Being with me had only been a carefully planned act of revenge.

All of it had been because my mother had once worked as an examiner and caught a girl cheating during an exam, canceling her qualification.

That girls name was Katniss Evergreen.

She was his first love.

Katniss knelt down on the floor, begging my mom to let her go this one time, but my mom refused to listen.

Because she was caught cheating, Katniss was given a zero. After she went back home, she sank into hopelessness and ended her own life.

From that moment on, Austin came to hate my mom. In order to get revenge, he tricked me into starting a relationship with him.

That day, after Austin finished letting out his anger, he didnt even look at me, brushed past me with a cold face, and walked away.

After he left, neighbors outside gathered together, pointing at my whole family and whispering rumors.

So this is a genius girl? Acting sweet and well-behaved on the outside, but doing such filthy things behind closed doors. If she were my daughter, I would beat her to death!

So shameless. Who wouldve guessed someone so young could seduce men like that, sleeping with three in one night? Toss someone like this into a nightclub, and it would be wild, right?

Her moms even a teacher. Who wouldve thought she would raise such a dirty daughter? Who would dare let their child be taught by her? Wouldnt that just be a class that teaches kids to turn bad?

Their mockery and insults were as harsh as they could be.

Those neighbors even followed what was spreading online, causing more trouble. My parents workplaces and personal details were all exposed.

My dad got so angry that he had a sudden attack right there and passed away before the ambulance arrived.

My mom was pushed into a dead end by online attackers and, right in front of me, jumped from a building in hopeless pain and committed suicide.

That year, I was eighteen years old.

Austin used only one night to tear my family apart and ruin my whole life.

Austin held onto me tightly, unwilling to release me. I smiled weakly and shoved him away.

Please step aside. I still have to go earn money.

Austin let go of my sleeve and stood there blankly, watching me remain on the street, staring empty-eyed at the people walking back and forth.

Some men passed by without even looking at me. Others, oily, shameless older men, let their eyes crawl over me, looking me over with greedy interest.

How much for a night?

Six hundred.

The man shook his head after smacking his lips. Your hands are very rough. That price is high.

I quickly grabbed him. It can be lower.

The man smiled, rubbed his chin while checking me again, then nodded.

Alright. Then come with me. If tonight feels good, I might think about keeping you around for a long time

The mans hands started moving in a dirty way around my waist.

I forced myself to bear the sickness, putting on a false smile. Just when I was about to go with him, someone suddenly pulled me hard. I crashed down onto the ground.

Before I could respond, Austins fist slammed into the pervent mans face.

You filthy old pervert! Touch her again and see what I do!

Austins face was red with anger that was almost taking over him.

Where did this brat come from? You dare hit me?!

I hit you, so what? Get out of here!

I wanted to step forward to stop it, but Austin roughly pressed me against the wall, his eyes burning with anger.

Belle, do you have no self-respect at all?

You graduated from a top university. No matter how badly you need money, you wouldnt sell yourself for only a few hundred, right? Dont you feel ashamed?

I looked at him, a bit confused, showing in my eyes.

A graduate from a top university? Me?

It seemed Austin didnt know that, after everything that happened that year, the university no longer kept me.

The young woman sitting in the sports car grew upset and jealous, questioning Austin with clear annoyance on her face.

Tell me the truth, who is this woman?

Austin glanced at me. An old acquaintance.

I lowered my head, eyes cast downward, feeling completely miserable inside.

I wanted to wait for Austin to loosen his grip on his own, but he didnt move at all. I frowned and pushed him away.

You scared away my client.

I stayed by the streets for three nights before I finally found such a client.

Client?

Austin coldly laughed. Belle, youre unbelievable. You have arms and legs; what kind of job cant you do? Did you really have to come out here and trade your body?

I looked far ahead, my mind empty. Yes, during these four years, the thing I heard most was exactly that: you have arms and legs, what kind of job couldnt you do?

Everyone stood on their moral ground, judging me and yelling at me.

But they had no idea that I had tried everything.

A girl who had just graduated from high school at eighteen. For over ten years, I had focused on studying and saw the world with simplicity and innocence.

My parents had given me a very comfortable life when I was young; I had never worried about money at all.

But in one night, both of them died.

Just to stay alive, I took endless part-time jobs, serving food, clearing plates, washing peoples hair, and feet.

I even worked three jobs every day.

Still, the money was never enough.

No place wanted to give me a normal job. Nobody would choose someone with only a high school diploma, and even less someone with a bad name following her.

Even when I pushed myself until I was worn out, even when I worked until I could barely stand, the small pay from odd jobs was still far from enough to take care of Tanya and me.

You may wonder, who was Tanya?

She was a child I rescued. She had a disability and was left behind by her parents on a main road. When I came across her, she was almost run over by a big truck.

That day, I had wanted to lie down on the road too and let my life end there.

But that child smiled at me.

I struggled for a long while, but in the end, I chose to keep living and to raise her.

Thinking about this made me suddenly become anxious. I had been away for so long; Tanya must be longing for her mother.

Please step aside. How I sell myself is my own matter; it has nothing to do with you.

Austin, your life is so good. It really makes others feel bitter. The next time you see me, just act like you never did. Otherwise, Im scared I wont be able to stop myself from pulling you down into the dirt with me.

I gave a small, bitter smile. Right when I was ready to turn and leave, Austin caught my hand.

Belle, look at yourself now. Where is even a sign of the smart girl you once were?

If your parents could see this, see the daughter they cared for so much turned into a woman standing on the street, they would probably be angry enough to die again!

I froze, then suddenly started laughing.

I laughed until tears came out.

Would they really see it?

If they could see it, then why didnt they come back to life to help me?

Something felt off about Austin. He actually left his girlfriend behind and pulled me into a mall to buy clothes.

I stood by the clothing shelves, feeling awkward and uncomfortable.

No need. These clothes cost too much. I cant pay for them.

Austin suddenly lifted his head and stared at me in surprise, then quickly frowned.

Belle, can you stop acting?

When you were in high school, anything you wore without thinking cost more than this. Putting on a show like this just makes people annoyed.

I showed a bitter smile. That was the past.

The past and the present were two totally separate lives.

Austin stayed as controlling as always. He frowned, stopped asking what I thought, and straightaway pulled a bright yellow dress set from the hanger, telling the shop clerk to have me try it on.

I shook my head.

Austin looked slightly angry. Dont act ungrateful. I remember you once liked yellow the most, like a sunflower.

That also belonged to the past, back when I lived freely under my parents care, surrounded by plenty of friends, like a glowing little princess.

Yet in the video from that night four years earlier, I had also been dressed in yellow when I was harmed by those three strange men.

From that moment on, I wore only dark clothes. Even if I got hurt, no one could notice the stains.

Dark colors work best as a shield.

They quickly make men who stare with lust lose interest.

Austin ignored my refusal and stubbornly told the worker to pack everything up. He then asked me to get into his car. I will drive you home.

No. I declined without thinking.

Austin pulled his brows together and said again, Get in the car.

Is it the same address?

I shook my head. That house was sold a long time ago.

Then I gave him a different address.

Austin drove slowly and carefully. The ride stayed quiet the whole time. Only when we were nearly there did he finally talk.

What happened back then was a rash mistake on my part. I carry a lot of regret.

I softly answered, lowered my face, and stayed quiet.

Austin looked toward me more than once. Seeing that I did not speak, he swallowed the rest of his words.

Just stop here.

I pointed toward the candied hawthorn stand in front.

Austin stopped the vehicle right away. I thanked him, then spent the last few coins I had to buy one stick of candied hawthorn.

You enjoy sweets?

Austins voice made me jump. I thought he had already driven off. I did not expect him to step out and walk after me.

I shook my head. My daughter enjoys them.

Even though Tanya lived because I saved her back, she still had a difficult life with me and hadnt eaten many good things.

This plain stick of candied hawthorn was something she had been hoping for for a long time.

As expected, Austins face turned very unpleasant. You have a daughter? When did that happen?

He let out a cold chuckle, his face losing color.

So I even thought I owed you something back then. Belle, I didnt think you would be this low, already having a child while still in college.

Looks like I thought too much!

Austin slammed the car door and drove off fast.

Choked by the smoke and dirt thrown up by the car, I couldnt stop coughing until tears streamed down.

I had done it on purpose when I mentioned my daughter earlier. Even though Tanya wasnt my birth child, I wanted him to get the wrong idea.

I wanted him to understand that he and I no longer lived in the same place in life.

I didnt know if what he did came from regret or sympathy, buying me clothes and giving me a ride back.

There was no promise that once we reached where I stayed, he wouldnt suggest going inside to look around.

But how could I ever allow him to enter?

I walked all the way down the steps to the lower level, and in the deep darkness, pushed open the door to the old storage room.

Back then, to pay for Tanyas medical care, I sold the house.

I lived like a bug, like a rat in a drain, barely staying alive in this dark, tight space underground.

Back when I was studying, I read in books that some people had already used up all their energy just to stay alive.

I didnt believe it then. I thought it was simply because they didnt try hard enough.

But people who werent lucky, each time, their luck was always just a bit worse.

In the end, people who had nothing didnt think about luck at all. Life was already too harsh. Just staying alive already costs them everything.

When I returned home, Tanya was coughing badly.

Her face had turned blue and purple from it.

But when she saw me come back, she still dragged one leg and came over to hug me.

Mom, I missed you so much

I held her tightly, my heart hurting. Be good, Tanya. When Mom earns a little more money, I will take you to see a doctor.

Tanya was as sweet as an angel.

But heaven often didnt protect angels.

She not only had trouble with one leg, but she also had a very severe case of pneumonia.

The last time she cooked food for me, her hand was badly burned. Even though she hurt a lot herself, she still smiled at me and gently soothed me.

Mom, dont cry.

I was only hurt a little. Mom can just blow on it

I passed the stick of candied hawthorn to Tanya. She cheered with joy and softly kissed my cheek.

After I lulled Tanya into sleep, I sat beside the bed holding my phone, thinking again and again. In the end, I still sent a message to Jameson Stevens.

[I know Im troubling you, but can you help me introduce a client to me? Someone who can stay long-term.]

At my lowest point, Jameson had kept me for some time.

But before long, his family found out and forced him to cut ties with me.

Even the money he had access to was frozen.

He had no way to support me anymore. Once in a while, he still sent me some cash to help me survive so I wouldnt go hungry.

But last year, he got married. I no longer wanted to interrupt his life.

Yet the doctor told me that Tanyas sickness couldnt wait any longer.

If it grew worse, it might very easily turn into lung cancer.

As long as there was even a single path forward, as long as I could gather the treatment money, I was ready to do anything at all.

Jameson replied to me, [I will try.]

I gratefully answered with thanks. The following day, just as I was getting ready to head out again to make money, a figure blocked my path.

He seized my arm. Belle, are you badly lacking cash?

Austins voice sounded low and dull.

I nodded truthfully. Yes. Do you have a way for me to make a lot of money?

I keep you. I give you twenty thousand each month. Is that enough?

I showed a painful smile and agreed right away.

But can you give me half a year all at once? I need it right now.

Austins face went pale. He pulled out his phone, asked for my card number, and sent the money to me.

Starting today, dont stand on the roads anymore. From now on, you belong to me. And your daughter. I can take care of her, too.

I lifted my head in surprise and looked at him, yet I accepted everything he offered.

Tanya was very small and had stayed underground for a long time, and that had harmed her body. Because of the money Austin gave, she was finally able to come with me and move into the Coleman home, living in the helpers room.

When Austin found out that I was staying in the helpers room, his face showed anger at once. Who set this up?

The young woman who had sat in the sports car that day stepped out in high heels, her face calm and lazy.

Isnt she just the maid you hired? If she doesnlive in the helpers room, should she live in a guest room?

She looked at me with dislike. Someone like her is already lucky to stay in the helpers room.

Get out.

Austin spoke in a cold voice. The young woman froze. You mean me?

Thats right. Weve broken up.

The young woman panicked right away and tried to beg, but Austin didnt hold back and pushed her out.

He led me to the room on the second floor that had the best light and told me that I would stay there from then on.

I looked out the window without showing feeling, at the yard outside covered in blooming wisteria.

I knew this place well. Four years earlier, when Austin and I were together, we had kissed deeply under that curtain of hanging wisteria.

He had told me that when we married someday, this place would become our home.

Thinking about all that had happened before, I smiled faintly.

No thanks. A helper doesnt deserve to stay in such a high-end place.

Austin stopped. You think youre a helper?

Then what am I, Austin? After that night four years ago, didnt you already believe I was dirty?

Are you willing to touch me?

As I spoke, I loosened my clothes by myself. Austins face shifted again and again, and in the end, he turned and left with a cold face.

Austin seemed to quietly accept that I had taken on helper duties. From time to time, he teased Tanya, and now and then he stood at the second-floor railing and watched me.

The older helper smiled as if she understood everything.

Young Master, this must be the woman you havent been able to forget for four whole years, right?

Back then, I saw her photo kept in the drawer. Even though times change and people change, since you meet again, it must be fate. Young Master, you should treasure her.

Austin smiled and was just about to turn and look at me when his face suddenly shifted, and he shouted in panic, Belle!

I passed out from anemia.

Austin said nothing and carried me straight to the hospital.

The doctor said a family member had to sign the papers. Before he could find one, another nurse nearby recognized me and spoke up.

Her parents passed away long ago. She has no relatives. Same rule as before, treat her first, she pays later.

Austin suddenly looked up, his face turning white as he grabbed the nurse by the collar.

What do you mean?