We Don’t Speak of the Past, Love Is Already Gone

As the New Years bells rang, I sent Samuel a message right on time.

[Dr. Nightfall, when will we make our relationship public?]

Before he could reply, my father suddenly raised his hand and pointed toward a streetlight nearby. His voice was full of surprise.

Hey, isnt that Samuel? Hes holding hands with a young girl. Looks like theyre very close.

My heart skipped a beat. I followed his gaze without thinking. The next second, it felt like all the blood in my body froze.

Under the warm yellow light, Samuel leaned down slightly and kissed the girl in his arms.

I recognized her. She was the new doctor that Chief Rowan mentioned a few days ago. She was about to start work next week.

Maybe my stare was too intense that Samuel suddenly looked up. The moment our eyes met, his pupils shrank, and his Adams apple moved twice.

A few seconds later, he let go of the girl and walked toward us.

Sir Bastian and Madam Helena, he said calmly. Let me formally introduce you. This is my fiance, Alenna Ashcroft.

When it was my turn, his eyes avoided mine. He didnt dare look at me for long. He only glanced at my face and quickly introduced me to her.

Alenna is Zoe Quartz, the child of my mentor Sir Bastian and Madam Helena. You could say shes like my little sister.

I smiled bitterly.

So the woman who slept beside him for 365 days was just his little sister.

Alenna turned to me and smiled politely. Ms. Zoe, Ill be joining the hospital soon. I hope youll take good care of me.

She leaned closer to Samuel and held his hand tightly. Her eyes curved into a sweet smile.

After all, Dr. Nightfall is always so busy. He already has more than enough work in his department. How could he have time for me?

I looked at the matching rings shining on their ring fingers. My eyes began to burn.

Samuel was busy alright.

Busy lying to me on New Years Eve, saying he had a consultation. Busy holding another womans hand as the year changed. Busy kissing someone else while I waited for his reply with hope in my heart.

Samuels ears turned slightly red. He lowered his head and spoke to Alenna gently.

Dont talk nonsense. No matter how busy I am, I would never ignore you. Whenever you needed me, wasnt I always there right away?

The moment he said that, a sharp ache spread from my chest to my throat.

I remembered last week, when I had a fever of 39C. I messaged Samuel, asking if he could bring me some fever medicine. Then, he replied that the department was extremely busy and told me to order delivery instead. That was the last message I got from him.

So it wasnt that he had no time. His time had simply never belonged to me.

Just then, my father patted Samuel on the shoulder. His face was full of relief and happiness.

Thats wonderful. I watched you two grow up together. Now you both have people you love. We elders are truly happy for you.

Then he turned to me with a smile in his eyes.

Speaking of which, Zoe also has a boyfriend. I heard theyve been together for a year, but she never told us who he is.

At first, Helena and I even guessed it might be you, he said, laughing. After all, you and Zoe grew up together, and now you work at the same hospital. You see each other every day.

My father laughed loudly. But today, after meeting your girlfriend, we finally realized we were completely mistaken!

Fireworks exploded all around us, lighting up my pale face.

Samuel almost immediately replied. His tone was calm and natural, without the slightest flaw. He even sounded helpless, as if he didnt know whether to react on my father's comment.

Of course not, Sir Bastian! Ive always thought of Zee as my little sister. Shes very straightforward, so I took extra care of her at work. I didnt expect that to cause a misunderstanding.

I stared at Samuel's smile.

The noise around me suddenly felt overwhelming, like I was drowning. A silent pressure wrapped around my chest, leaving me nowhere to escape.

One year of a secret relationship. Three hundred and sixty-five days and nights of hiding. All of it shattered by his casual words: little sister.

I took a deep breath and forced a smile. Then I stepped forward and held my fathers arm.

Mom, Dad, dont worry. On New Years Eve, Ill bring my boyfriend home so you can meet him.

My father froze for a moment, then his eyes lit up. He patted my hand happily. Thats great! I really want to see which handsome young man made you hide him for a whole year.

My mother laughed as well and held my hand gently. Yes, tell us in advance so we can prepare the food. We cant treat him carelessly.

Samuel didnt seem to hear us at all. He was only holding Alennas hand and looking at her.

I watched the happiness on his face. The pain in my chest suddenly surged, pushing me into a reckless, almost self-destructive mood.

I curved my lips into a smile and looked at him. What a coincidence. My boyfriend is also a doctor. He even works at the same hospital as Dr. Nightfall.

The air around us froze instantly. The smile on Samuels face stiffened. He ignored Alenna and stared at me. His lips moved silently.

'Dont do this.'

It was exactly like before, when we used to secretly kiss in his office, and someone knocked on the door. He would panic, push me away, then secretly blink at me to beg for forgiveness.

But now, his fear was different. He was afraid I would ruin his future with Alenna. Afraid I would expose his lies and his betrayal.

I looked into those familiar eyes. It felt as if an invisible hand squeezed my heart tightly. The pain made my fingers tremble.

I forced a smile, looked away, and didnt look at him again. But hes quite low-key. When I bring him back for the Spring Festival, youll know.

Samuel clearly relaxed. The tension in his body eased, though his ears were still painfully redwhether from guilt or fear, I didnt know.

Just then, my fathers phone rang. He answered it, laughed a few times, then waved at us after hanging up.

Old Will and the others are missing two people. Theyre urging your mom and me to join them. Its already past midnightperfect timing for an all-night game.

My mother nodded. Then well leave first. You young people enjoy yourselves.

She turned to me, worry in her eyes. Zee, its late. Its not safe for you to go home alone. Let Sammy take you.

Alenna immediately wrapped her arm around Samuels and smiled sweetly. Uncle, Auntie, dont worry. Samuel and I will send Ms. Zoe home together. Well make sure she gets back safely.

A wave of nausea rose in my stomach. I quickly waved my hand. No need. My ride is already here, right at the intersection.

As I turned to leave, Samuel suddenly grabbed my wrist. His grip was tight as if he wanted my parents to see it, or as if he was warning me.

Sir Bastian and Madam Helena have entrusted you to me, he said firmly. I must send you home safely.

Before I could react, he pulled me forward and pushed me into the back seat.

The moment the car door closed, I saw Samuel walk around to the other side and bend down to fasten Alennas seat belt.

His movements were gentle. When his fingers brushed past her hair, he even reminded her softly, Sit properly.

Alenna looked up at him with a smile, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed his cheek.

Got it. Drive slowly then, she said sweetly.

I sat in the back seat and looked around the car. It felt as if my heart was being tightly squeezed, so painful that I could barely breathe.

This passenger seat used to belong to me. The lucky cat charm hanging in the car was something I searched for across three streets to buy.

The photo on the dashboard was from our first trip to the amusement park. Even the car air freshener used to be my favorite citrus scent.

But now, the lucky cat was gone. The photo had been replaced with a picture of him and Alenna leaning close together.

The scent had changed to rose. Apparently, it was Alennas favorite. Even the cartoon seat cushion I had forced him to use was gone, replaced by a lace one that matched Alennas dress.

Only then did I realize, Samuel had already erased every trace of me from his life. I turned my head away and stared at the fast-moving scenery outside the window. My eyes burned badly, but I forced the tears back.

The whole ride was silent.

When the car stopped downstairs at my place, Samuel got out first and opened the back door for me. Ill walk you upstairs.

He turned and smiled at Alenna in the passenger seat. Lenne, wait in the car for a moment. Ill be back soon.

Alenna nodded obediently and waved at me. I ignored her and walked straight into the residential area.

Samuel followed behind me in silence. The streetlights stretched our shadows long on the ground. It looked exactly like our relationship over the past yearhidden, unseen, and never in the light.

Ive packed up your things. Theyre with the security guard.

When we reached the building entrance, Samuel finally spoke, That apartment Lenne is going to live there. It wouldnt be good if she found out.

My hand tightened around my keys. My fingertips felt cold.

That apartment where we secretly lived for almost a year, with the wallpaper I chose, the fridge filled with his favorite food, and the matching pajamas hanging in the closet...

To him, it was just a place full of secrets that Alenna could never know about.

I didnt speak. I didnt turn around. I only lowered my head and stared at the keyhole.

After a few seconds of silence, Samuel spoke again, his voice low and uneasy. Zee Im sorry.

I finally turned to look at him. The hallway light fell on his face. I saw a flash of panic in his eyes.

I tugged at the corner of my lips and gave a faint, mocking smile. No need to apologize. We were never really together anyway. We were just sleeping together.

Those words hit him like a needle. Samuels expression changed instantly. He grabbed my hand hard, making me frown in pain.

Zoe, do you really have to say it like that?

I looked at him. Coldness slowly rose in my eyes.

Was it really that harsh?

Compared to how he lied to me on New Years Eve, saying he was working overtime, then turned around and kissed another woman.

Compared to how he erased every trace of me from his life and moved his new lover into our rented apartment.

Compared to how he casually told my parents that he only ever saw me as a sister.

What I said was nothing at all.

After Samuel left, the strength I had forced myself to hold onto all night finally collapsed. The tears I had been holding back for so long suddenly fell onto the back of my hand.

It was hot enough to hurt.

I stayed crouched on the floor, crying until my whole body shook. I cried until the night faded and the sky slowly began to brighten.

When I was too tired to cry anymore, I buried myself under the blanket. I turned off my phone and pulled the curtains shut, letting the room fall into complete darkness.

I took a week off work and didnt tell anyone why.

During those days, I didnt eat a single meal. I didnt step outside the door even once. Only when I was extremely thirsty did I crawl out of bed to drink a mouthful of cold water.

My stomach was empty. Hunger made my limbs weak. But the emptiness in my heart could not be filled at all.

On the fifth evening, the sunset outside slipped through a gap in the curtains and fell onto the floor.

I stared at that strip of light for a long time. Suddenly, I felt there was no need to punish myself like this anymore.

Slowly, I got up and walked into the bathroom. The person in the mirror looked terrible. My face was pale. Dark circles hung under my eyes. My lips were dry and cracked. I looked completely worn out.

I turned on the hot water and took a long shower. Then I took out my makeup and carefully put it on.

I drew my eyebrows. I added eyeshadow. I put on a bright red lipstick.

Looking at myself in the mirror, seeing a bit of life return to my face, I suddenly smiled. I changed into a beautiful dress, put on high heels, and walked out of the house.

I went to a small private restaurant I had been craving for a long time. I pushed the door open and ordered all my favorite dishes.

Steaming pork ribs. Crispy, spicy chicken. When the sweet and sour flavor of the ribs spread across my tongue, my eyes felt warmbut not because I was sad.

It was because I suddenly understood something. Compared to good food, Samuel really meant nothing. The false sweetness he gave me was far less real than a plate of juicy ribs.

After eating my fill, my stomach felt warm, and even my mood improved. I paid the bill and walked slowly along the street. The night wind brushed my face with a slight chill.

When I passed the hospital, I slowed down. After a moment of thought, I walked inside.

The nurse on duty saw me and smiled. Zee, didnt you take leave? Why are you here?

I smiled back. I was about to say I came to resign, but she lowered her voice first.

Dont you know? Our department's chief just decided. The permanent position went to Alennathe girl who joined last week.

I froze for a moment, then understood.

Of course. I had turned off my phone and stayed home all week. I wouldnt know these things.

I didnt feel much at all. Not even surprised. It felt like I had already expected this ending.

I pulled the corner of my lips into a small smile. I see. Thank you. Im actually here to resign.

Before, when I walked through this building, I only thought about becoming permanent. I dreamed of standing publicly beside Samuel. But standing here now, I only felt light.

The resignation process went smoothly. After signing the last paper, I placed my work badge on the desk and walked out of the hospital.

The moment I stepped outside, I let out a long breath, as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I didnt go home. Instead, I bought a plane ticket to the southern part of the city for three days later. After everything was done, I finally called my parents and told them about quitting my job and traveling.

On the other end of the phone, my parents were silent for a few seconds before they burst into happy cheers.

During my secret relationship with Samuel this past year, I lived carefully and anxiously. I gave all my time and energy to Samuel.

And I forgot that the people I should have been spending that time with were my parents.

After I hung up the call with my parents, I hummed a song on my way home.

I started packing my luggage, searching through drawers and boxes. Everything related to Samuel, I threw it all into the trash. I cleaned it out completely without hesitation.

Three days later, I pulled my suitcase downstairs with my parents. We were heading to the airport. Just as we reached the gate of our apartment complex, a familiar figure suddenly blocked our way.

It was Samuel.

Dark circles hung under his eyes. His hair was messy. He looked tired and worn out. When he saw my suitcase, his eyes widened.

Where are you going? Why did you quit your job? Why didnt you reply to my messages?